if you think ALCOHOL is a vitamin.......... 
if you eat ROADKILL cold..........
if your dad walked you to school cause ya both were 
in the same grade..........
if somebody comes to your house everyday asking if your 
having a yard sale..........
if you go to a family reunion to meet women.......... 
if you wear only army surplus clothing..........
if you think sardines on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.......... 
if you own at least one gun..........
if you only pass on double yellow..........
if you think SPAM is expensive red meat.......... 
if you don't use handkercheifs.......... 
if you have CHUMMED in your tent.......... 
if you know where Steel Hill SC is..........
if you prefer beans for breakfast..........
if you think women are turned on by animal noises and 
tongue gestures..........
if you drive 55 cause its eaiser to spot the bars.......... 
if you use HOT sauce on everything..........
if you don't wonder why a day has 24 hours and 
a case of BEER has 24 cans..........
if you don't have the yuppie fear of weapons..........
if your family tree doesn't fork..........
if you have ever use LARD in bed.......... 
if your dog and wallet are both on a chain.........
if you prefer riding in the rain..........
if you have ever barbequed spam..........
if you carry a leatherman tool.......... 
if you paint your bike to look like an animal.......... 
if you don't remove the cigar from your mouth 
to telL the state trooper to kiss your ass..........
if you think Dom Perignon is a mafia leader..........
if somebody asks for your ID you show them your belt 
buckle..........and..........